The support of friends has been very instrumental in helping P. and myself in the past two years.
Almost two years ago, new volunteers came to my animal rescue and became very good friends. In fact one of them was so helpful from an early stage that the final row with T. was brought on by the improvements made in the rescue with this person’s help, D.
Work began on new improved kennels, the workers were professional and fast plus for the first time the block work and concreting was perfect. Untold thousands had been wasted by T. hiring his own waster friends until the kennels was rebuilt a total of three times. Now these genuine people were helping us out for almost nothing on the construction work which badly needed doing and was going to improve conditions for the dogs.
What was T doing? He used to sit down with the workers and disrupt what was going on by directly contradicting any orders I had given, and his personal favourite calling for a tea / smoke break every hour or less. Over the course of two weeks he caused havoc behind my back by accusing the two men there of wanting an affair with me, 🙂 Merciful heaven who would want me, I was fat and bedraggled and haggard.
He also repeatedly told both men I was a heavy drinker, very unstable mentally and half of everything here was his not mine. That he was the boss not me, and tried to pick rows with both men.
Any way during these two weeks I knew he didn’t like this plan to improve things and these new friends who saw through him for what he was. It was a very tense time he caused rows over everything else bar telling me directly I don’t want this work done, I don’t want these men here.
He would run them down subtly to me by criticising their work and their personalities, when I would ask do you not want these guys here, he would deny it. And turn the discussion into a row over something else until I was hysterical and then game over.
But both men came to me and told me what was going on, the things I knew were going on but couldn’t catch T in it. I was horrified he was so selfish he would do this but not surprised it was how I thought he was despite all his denials to me T just looked out for himself. I needed this I needed the help of the volunteers, on a daily basis with the kennels and I needed better facilities for the dogs, what was wrong with him he couldn’t take that.
I felt something break in me, probably the last straw, I swear I felt it snap when we were arguing. The last shred of what love I had for him, I realised he was a despicable human being, he hated me he hated his son and all he did was hurt us in the worst ways possible. I confronted him about the way he was carrying on and I knew it was true because I had walked in on so many tense weird moments when T was alone with the workers, and I could see his usual delaying tactics, the talking talking talking and all about him, and the look on their faces which I was all too familiar with, the look that told me I was about to lose more friends because of him.
This time I caught him out completely in his lies and having the others there to verify what I could see and hear, for the first time I feel enabled me to leave him.
Before he always confused me, classic gaslighting now I know and when I told him to leave, for the first time I wasn’t alone, my friends supported me. They quietly and calmly told him he should go now and he did, needing a lift off one of the men to get home, T never learned to drive sure he had me to do it all,
P and I had been living in a mobile home with no running water, we carried water in or proper power, we ran a generator a few hours in the evening to watch telly, we lived like that for eight months after T assaulted P but I still called into town to T to pick him up and bring him out to kennels, every day. I know I still did his beck and call but I hated him by that stage. He started hurting P physically so we got away as far as I could, not very far as T controlled all the money, I had no friends or family to help all were driven away by then,
But these new friends helped me so much. First by easing the sheer load of looking after the animals, T seemed to obstruct adoptions and take in far too many animals in order to keep me busy. Secondly by v improving facilities at a very cheap price, ok 30 euro a day for truly professional work rather than giving 150 euro a day to T friends who built crooked gappy walls, and spent most of the very short day, always late starts and early finishes, big difference
Thirdly they were kind, B and D, and relieved my loneliness a little. This T did not like. Living in the real world they could see how awful our relationship was, how T really mistreated me. They didn’t buy into his ‘ amn’t I great’ routine but instead pointed out the shambles the place was in and that he had had eight years to put its right and hadn’t. Oh he didn’t like that, he was living in a fantasy world where he was the center of the universe, P and I had been forced into mostly complying with this fantasy world, but strangers were not and oh T did not like it when people burst his bubble.
The way I see it now, these narcissists are empty, empty hollow shells. They are not like us. They do not connect with others they always have to control them. They do not build or create, they destroy. Their needs cannot be satisfied and they never call enough is enough.
How empty they must be to be so similar? It’s not natural, the way they have so many attributes in common, like mass produced people with all having the same intrinsic toxic flaw, no empathy.
I don’t know it’s just my thoughts today.
I know without the support of friends P and I would not have escaped T.
I know without the support of very good friends P and I would not be doing as well now,
Special thanks to you D. And You Th. Xxx love you guys!!